20 Summers Gone

2017 came to an end yesterday.

Time travels fast and we are here in 2018, 20 summers gone.

At 21, a year of joy, gratefulness and peacefulness. There is much to commemorate but many much more to celebrate. 

It is extremely disappointing, how unremarkable attitude is brushed-off and how leaders orchestrates – the spirit of innovation, mediocre. It is upsetting how low competency is tolerated and eventually forgiven. No one is perfect and perhaps I am the least desirable candidate for this environment.

Bad habits were curated; drinking to poor management of finances. Important people were neglected, and the neglible were priorities. Impatient and lazy, I was constantly a baggage of upset and bad attitude! I apologise, I was enveloped in trivial matters to provide rightful care and concern to the people who love me the most.

Being hardworking in the new environment, curating new skills. Spending time with important people and removing intolerables. Practising light exercise and meditation for self-awareness and saving more money. Reading news and continuing positive habits like photography and technology. These are the desirable traits and the only way where life will be sustainable.

It is indeed a year of resilience, discipline, gratitude and empathy.

Time travels fast and we are here in 2018, 20 summers gone.

2018 starts today 🙂


Charming Evenings Alone

So I’m realising that recently I’m getting more vexed than ever; mood swings, unpleasant conversation and I seem to constantly have a foul taste in my mouth. I was also constantly frowning, in essence, life sucks.

I am unhappy. Most definitely I am upset. I get upset by the smallest things in life and I’m always irritated. Anything that annoys me gets under my skin and Goddamn it if the chicken store lady do not give me my thigh I’ll feel like the whole world is tumbling down.

Why do I feel this way? 

Perhaps you could attribute this to the fact that a 20 year old is not in college and no faithful future awaits. Life seems awful. Nothing to wish for and nothing seems right, I just don’t seem happy..

Why, why do I feel this way? I often ask myself this but.. There is no right answer. Or rather, my complex and egoistic personality repels that. I don’t hold intellectual conversations and discussion on how to improve my life during the day. Like Chris Brown and Rihanna; it never works out.

Its 7pm, I’m out for dinner. Alone. Amongst the short 12 hours of the day, this moment I feel captivated. I enjoy the time alone. While I eat in peace, I feel comforted. I feel relaxed and frankly, very at ease. 

I take a deep breathe and a shudder comes through. 

So who said that alone is loneliness? There is a certain charm to an evening alone, even if there is no entertainment; even if there is no food, it always seems better than having people bombastically surrounding one. Personally I truly feel that way.


Sometimes I wish I could be emotionless. Emotions make makes me feel… Bothered. I hate it. 

For instance, the feelings of love and romance, blinds me from reality and alas the red flags, I still go ahead with it. Panic, anxiety and fear condemns me from making the right decision. Sadness and being upset makes me feel weak. In all ways, all these emotions irrationalise me from the much needed logic and control I require in daily life. I hate it. 

Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different if I could just possess a little more self discipline, a little more self control. All in turn, just to be a little more emotionless. I hate it. 

As of now, I have defined happiness (which is the purpose of life) as a mixture of relationships and satisfaction. It seems to contradict the fact that I would like to be more emotionless, yet just feel as jubilant near my family members. But if I was to choose either bliss in ignorance or boredom in reality, I would gladly choose the latter. 


Love is a magical thing. Its never quite been understood and I don’t reckon anyone even fully understands it. 

Love is confusing. It oftentimes can be confused with infatuation, or instantaneous attraction where the main source of jubilation are hormones acting up. This is an inevidentable human nature. For instance, we could see a reasonably decent looking human for the first time and all these creative fantasies start popping out of nowhere. Red flags are ignored and thoughts of an imaginative future starts wandering but conclusively, the relationship is nothing more than a temporary superficial obsession. In situations like these, love is exciting, sizzling and oh so anticipating. The ignorance in immaturity of early stages.

Love is more than logic. Acts of unintelligence can appear, strange behaviours and uncommon patterns are symptoms of love. Many people think that feelings are calculable and can be strategised for maximum profit; it just doesn’t work that way. Feelings are unspeakable and barely describable and cannot be taken lightly at all. Almost all logic is lost when love strikes and things become unexplainable. So goes the saying that love is blind.

Love can be dull. A decade of relationship can be reasonably less exciting than the first date 20 springs ago, but what strives and persist the existence of the relationship is the understanding, trust, childishness and easiness of long married couples. After a couple of years together, love can turn bland, as though eating the same dish daily, or living in the same house for the rest of your life; and we’re doing neither of that, let alone with a living and breathing person. Needless to say, a lot of comprising must happen.

In conclusion, to love and be loved is a fascinating thing. Yet contrary to popular beliefs, it doesn’t have to start with the precondition of having a partner. Love exist everywhere. Healthy relationships between animals and humans is a symbol of love, healthy parents children connections are clear indications of a loving relationship. 

It is utmost important to not be conplacent and have an infinite grattitute to the person you are in a relationship with in order to sustain a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Before Bed: Remaining Calm

Motives are very important to remain calm.

If we always carry a bag of disgust just right under the radar of conscious, we constantly seek the confirmation that we really are the worthless people we think we are.

When others madden us, we need to imagine the turmoil, disappointment, worry and sadden that is hiding beneath the surface. We need to gage compassion to those that annoy us. We must do that very strange thing, we must move from anger to pity.

Before Bed: A Little Rant

It’s 1am in the morning and I can’t sleep. So I decided, why not just write a blog post?

It’s been awhile since my last post, in fact I believe it was last year since my last post, and for a good reason.

Actually, not really for a good reason. I’ve been getting off social media quite a lot and I suppose WordPress isn’t exactly your common social media but, you get my point.

Not much has happened, don’t get me wrong, Intern has been awesome. But besides that, there’s really nothing much to update at all. Yes, I’m still playing some instruments and yes, I’ve been working on the project (in fact I’m really proud of how far I have come) and languages but I haven’t been able to get this other itch off the back of my head.

What’s been bugging me the most is none other than, my future.

I’m not that young anymore, in fact, I’m old af – and I still haven’t gotten a clue on what or how I want my life to be like, if that doesn’t worry me, I wonder what would. And I know that completing my education and finishing school with good grades is the most important thing for me to be as of now, but I can’t help but think about a year from now.

Honestly, a year from now, I would be utmost elated that I have graduated. But I would have nothing to do as well and that worries me a lot. Perhaps I could go get another useless certificate that has nothing with what the industry needs. Yeah, I could do that. And let my parents pay for my education for another couple years.

Or I could also get a job, yeah I should do that..

What would you do one year from now?