So I’m realising that recently I’m getting more vexed than ever; mood swings, unpleasant conversation and I seem to constantly have a foul taste in my mouth. I was also constantly frowning, in essence, life sucks.
I am unhappy. Most definitely I am upset. I get upset by the smallest things in life and I’m always irritated. Anything that annoys me gets under my skin and Goddamn it if the chicken store lady do not give me my thigh I’ll feel like the whole world is tumbling down.
Why do I feel this way?
Perhaps you could attribute this to the fact that a 20 year old is not in college and no faithful future awaits. Life seems awful. Nothing to wish for and nothing seems right, I just don’t seem happy..
Why, why do I feel this way? I often ask myself this but.. There is no right answer. Or rather, my complex and egoistic personality repels that. I don’t hold intellectual conversations and discussion on how to improve my life during the day. Like Chris Brown and Rihanna; it never works out.
Its 7pm, I’m out for dinner. Alone. Amongst the short 12 hours of the day, this moment I feel captivated. I enjoy the time alone. While I eat in peace, I feel comforted. I feel relaxed and frankly, very at ease.
I take a deep breathe and a shudder comes through.
So who said that alone is loneliness? There is a certain charm to an evening alone, even if there is no entertainment; even if there is no food, it always seems better than having people bombastically surrounding one. Personally I truly feel that way.