More Than That

Its 00:29 in the morning but I don’t know why I’m still awake.
Its funny how I stay up. But in the morning I groan, complaining about how tired I am. And then I can’t stay focused and its just bad.
Went to the salon for a haircut today and all of a sudden I have bangs now.
I remember myself removing the pins and the plaits falling off and cascading on my shoulders.
And the person asked, what would you like to cut? And he’s the guy who often cuts my hair so I’m really thankful; he’s skills are unbelievable and he’s really really professional. So I’m grateful.
And I say well, maybe I should try out bangs.
And then he says ” The straight ones? ”
And I’m like ” Yeah, sounds cool. ”
” How long? ”
” Till the eyebrows perhaps? ”
And then he replied,” Then you can’t tie your hair the used to tie it. ”
Well, I obviously didn’t know what to say so I was like, ” Yeah anything. ”
So he took out a pair of scissors and snip snip snip. I could feel the metal razor against my skin and the tingly sensation and I was just so afraid it would all go wrong and I would be sad and maybe this change ain’t much of a help. He was grasping the front hair so when it all came off he asked me, holding the hair in his hands, ” You still want it? ”
I looked at him in disgust and I was, ” No, why would I want that? ”
He laughed and continue triming and do the regular stuff.
And I was just really really sad. I don’t know how to describe it I mean I know I went to a salon for a hairstyle but to me its more than that. I’m quite sure everyone who goes to a salon has something new to look forward to and its just such a fun little to do when you just feel bored and you’re in the middle of a month and you find some lame excurse to just go ahead and do something crazy.
Because once in a while life does get boring and sometimes we just need a little change to make us feel a little different and a little more special. We crave for that little joy and attention and hopefully it would turn out alright and youwould feel awesome.
Why do you comfort yourself like that?
Because you know that that feeling fades off and before you know it you’re back in the salon.
Unless you went for a trim that is. 
But other than that, that’s why you feel ” high ” after you cut your hair. Why you spend longer in front of the mirror thinking of ways to style it to make it look good.
But maybe that’s just me.
I finished my hair cut and I felt like crying. I looked like some bob and the hairstylist was still trying to comfort me. And then I thought to myself, what the hell was I thinking? This is a complete disaster. Now I look far more hideous. What am I supposed to do and  how am i going to look at my friends. They most probably would say its nice but I doubt its true.
I don’t know what to do now and feel more sad than previous.
But I guess its still a ” change “. But I really dont feel good.


I’m just upset and I don’t know what to do.
Its 01:07AM.
I better sleep.


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